I've taken alot of time to discern what motivated me to break up with my life in the drastic way that I did. COVID and "the great pause" gave me time and space to really examine my life and all its facets, for better or worse. I realized I was living a life I didn't actually want. Even worse, I felt like I had no way of changing this trajectory I was on. A sense of helplessness washed over me. Maybe it would be easier to drown in the monotony, to continue to languish instead of swim against the current?
In a big way, COVID made alot of us feel like we weren't in control. We lost our sense of normalcy, our sense of self, our way of life, our purpose, our friendships, our loved ones . . . These nagging feelings of loss and lack of control became impossible to ignore.
what am i doing? why do i continue to work this job that doesn't fulfill me? how am i still living in this city that will never feel like home (going on 8 years!?) what do I have to show for my 34 years on this planet?
These were questions that ran through my mind constantly. It was exhausting, and I was tired of not having any answers.
So I started to scrutinize every aspect of my life. I decided I would quit things that weren't serving me: my job, my city, my downtown condo, my expensive lifestyle, and all of the material things that came with it. So that I could make room for what does.
Now I wake up each day, and spend time thinking about what I actually want to do. I spend my days traveling, reading what interests me, being in nature, moving my body, journaling, listening to podcasts, spending quality time with friends and family, etc. It's honestly the most glorious thing in the world.
Questions that have inspired/motivated me during this time: How would your life be different if you decided to live intentionally? What parts of your life are no longer serving you? What are you unwilling to feel? Exploring the answers to these questions is not easy (sometimes kinda shitty), but it’s been incredibly rewarding.
Watch this Brene Brown interview with Tim Ferriss for more inspiration.